On being older

So here I am again, such an infrequent and lazy blogger, but oh well. My thoughts lately:

I said this on my birthday this year, as I turned 27 this is the first year I have ever truly felt a year older. Why.. ha I don't know. But I do know that my narrow road has taken a little turn and I'm starting to feel a little anxious about it. Looking at this from a wider perspective it seems kind of sissy. But when you're down among all the dirt and hard work it is harder than it looks. Here is what the deal is...

As I took some moments to survey where my faith is right now, I realize that I'm stuck in traffic. I feel like I get going for a little while... things aren't so bad, I can deal with the small stuff I'm not bothered by inconveniences and I feel pretty easy going and flexible. But all of a sudden I see the break lights in front of me and I start to slow down to an even slower, annoying creeping along and then perhaps I'll stop. Blah.. It is starting to exhaust me. I feel like I get scared of praying or I just don't even think about it and I just stop my communication with God. I discovered a few summers ago while working as a cook at Ute Trail that my biggest weakness is forgetfulness and ignorance. I just forget.. I just blindly ignore the fact that I NEED time with the Lord and I go about my routine. Also.. speaking of routine... prayer time hasn't been part of it. I've found it really hard to get myself motivated to take that time with Him. In the shower tonight... (ok get that image out of your head) I often pray in the shower.. heh weird I know... I prayed for help from the Lord...I need some strong spirit to come and give me a push start because my car died while sitting on the highway. I need the Lord.. always. Yes. But lately more then ever. Not that some tragic event has happened or some crazy drama that has got me all upset. But because I can feel that my life is changing. I'm not opposed to it, I just am getting stuck in it and can't get myself to go with the flow. I have every longing desire to be with the Lord and to restore my time with Him, but for whatever reason I just keep hitting the brakes.

I don't think that is the way faith is supposed to work. Like if you have all the desire in your heart, and a longing and need for the Lord his power is so great that you should just be drawn to him and find him just completely irresistible. I've experienced that before and I can't describe with any words how satisfying that is. But why isn't it happening right now? One reason I can think of... I'm getting older.. and because of my human tendencies and because of this world we live in, I feel more resistant to spiritual happenings and change.

I love in Hebrews 1:10-12 how it says,
"Lord in the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth,
and the heavens are the work of your hands.
Even they will perish, but you remain forever.
They will wear out like old clothing.
You will roll them up like an old coat.
They will fade away like old clothing.
But you are always the same;
you will never grow old."

So glad to hear that God will never grow old or change his ways. Then maybe he could help me figure out how to grow old and live through the changing.

Starting Over

I am starting all over on this blog. I had initially wanted it to be a photographic blog, however I found a better blog site more ideal for posting photos, so now I have started over in attempt to use this as an outlet for my thoughts and to help myself digest things going on in life. So I have titled it "Down the Road and Real Life".  I love the verse in Matthew 7 that says "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." So here's to finding the small gate and the narrow road. Not that I am just now realizing this however, I feel it is a good illustration for my real life.